i hate this world and i feel sad

i hate hate hate my life, my self and everything in it.
i hate my friends i hate the city that i live in i hate my house i hate my body i hate my voice i hate how i cant do anything i hate my habit of making everyone around me hate me

when i told this to one of my friends she told me a lot of people have it worse than you. you shouldn't want to kill yourself because you have life better than most people. you have money, you have a house, you have clothes, you have parents. and i dont really understand it when people say this because it doesn't make sense to me. just because a person has it worse than me, i can't be sad?? it's like saying that a lot of people are happier than me so i cant be happy. if i am sad, it's purely about me. it has nothing to do with anyone else. i dont understand this world i dont i dont i dont.

dump

 photos I took from my carseat

me and my friends on the way to chinatown

girl that was selling bubble milk tea who i creepily took a photo of

bubble milk tea

china town

 chinatown

a view from a bridge

my room was looking really girly and cute so i took a picture

i stuck eyes and a black flower on my old phone case

i love model irene kim

this is such an unorganized post and i am a horrible blogger. i need to get better at this blogging thing.

- thawdar 

MANIC

It's scary how accurate this is.

PEOPLE HATE PEOPLE WHO TRY HARD

Since it is the start of the school year, the elections for student council has begun. Two of my friends are running, one for secretary and one for treasurer. The one running for secretary ran for vice president in the middle school student council and when she was campaigning, she went all out. She posted 3 posters on every floor, urged every student she ran into to vote for her and she also made handouts. She presented a superb speech, however she lost to a girl one grade younger than her. In the following week, I would walk beside her and she would be mopey and sad. She heard people laughing at her from under their breaths, doing that smile they would do as if they were looking down upon her. 

This year, my friend who is running for treasurer is also going all out. Although I help her with her campaign by creating two posters for her, I still wish she didn't go all out. She created a facebook group, filmed a music video set to the music of Price Tag by Jessie J, and for the first few days of school, she gave out gold chocolate coins to every high schooler in the hallways only to get a blank stare in return. She is only a sophomore, running against a senior who has been treasurer about 4 times in his entire middle school, high school career. Already, I hear from my classmates that she is being too serious and that she is trying too hard. 

People hate people who try too hard. People hate people who are too serious. They are annoyed by them and they also laugh at them. I do not know when trying hard became the uncool thing. I always thought that being serious about a result that you really wanted was always the way to go. Doesn't trying hard during the campaign show that you take the job seriously and will try your best if you do get elected? Since when did people get laughed at instead celebrated for trying hard?

However, the one that is trying the hardest would have to be a new student that just came in this year who is running for president. He doesn't speak English very well, however, he has gone all out, more out than both of my friends. He took photos of himself, made 10 different posters in photoshop, and printed them on a huge vinyl to hang around the school. Everybody points at those posters and giggles. The boy takes himself very seriously, however everyone else refuses to. He is very academically gifted, maybe not so much socially. I feel awkward whenever people around me make fun of his posters because he doesn't suspect anything iffy about it and I feel like I should help him but I know it won't work out well. 

I do not know where the line between trying hard enough so that it's cool and trying too hard so that it's pathetic is drawn. Right now, I am too scared to do anything in fear that I might cross the line. 

I have a Chemistry test tomorrow that I only found out about an hour ago. It is 12:58 and instead of studying, I am blogging. 

inspiration xx

1997 Leonardo DiCaprio

Young Leonardo, whom I love very much

hair

choker and silver hair

i want to have really long straight hair like this but my hair is thick, textury and messy all the time so that's impossible.

i like staring at this gif

banana and glitter

i painted my denim shorts the other day, pictures will be up in the next post.

-thawdar

xx 

DAYGLO REFLECTION

It has been 2 weeks since school has started. I made the horrible mistake of taking AP BIO and I really don't know why I took it. I have a D.

aestas from thawdar on 8tracks Radio.

A mix of my favorite songs from summer.

the one in the pink vest used to be a soccer coach at my school

Xiao Wen Ju for Chanel Cruise

artwork by James Jean 

Paul Boche, source unknown

leaf in pocket, source unknown

fruits, flamingoes and spaghetti in my collage

i just got my portfolio from last year's art class back and this is something i did 

 drawing i did a week ago

 'atonement i' another painting from my portfolio last year. i like this one quite a lot.

i hope ap bio gets better.

SICK CYCLE CAROUSEL

These are some collages I've made this week. The first one with Karlie Kloss is from a Vogue editorial. The second is my favorite because the queen is riding a pink lace underwear boat, however the third one's the prettiest and the fourth's texts and pictures were from the better article "Camera Lucida". 

 I went bowling with my friends today and all of them are much bowlers than me. Today is the first time I've gone bowling but I was the only one who got a strike so that was fun. That's me looking uncomfortable in the bottom right corner.

(c) kupou@tumblr